There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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