Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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