Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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