I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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