So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
