She announced her abortion via fbk
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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