I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize