How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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