Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
