phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He passed out mid-signature
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
