i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
