Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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