I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
