Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
