I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
