She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
