Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
