Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
