He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
