Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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