just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
