Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
