How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize