If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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