It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize