I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
another moral hangover. fuck.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
