It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
