The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
