What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
