I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's always time for handjobs
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
