would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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