Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
