I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
