The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Randomize
