i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Drunk is a universal language darling
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
