those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
