I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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