I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel great
I just peed on a car
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
