we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
