I think I won the penis lottery.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize