my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Randomize
