And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
