Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
