She said her name was "party"
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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