Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
this boner is exhausting
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
