areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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