at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
