My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
