I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
