The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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