ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
