He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
