If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
