DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
