im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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