i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
where am i from again
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm always down for nudity.
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