bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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