And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
