When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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