sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
