but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
In America we eat man semen.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
