found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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