Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize