i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
