So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
