Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
