Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
