I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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